One Last Plan
by ZombieCatTookMyPudding
Summary: (Takes place five years after canon) "Look," she put a hand on her sister's shoulder. "After all these years of trying to win Gil over, I'm just as frustrated and close to giving up as you are. But let's just give this a try, okay? One last plan. If this doesn't work, I don't know what will."
1. Chapter 1

"Gah!" Susan woke up gasping. Squinting, she could barely make out the clock next to her: 1:06 AM.

"You okay, sis?" Mary murmured.

"Yeah. Just a crazy dream," she rubbed her eyes.

"About Gil?"

"About Gil."

"Gil...Nexdor..." the twins swooned in unison.

Mary groaned. "I just don't know what to do anymore, though. We've tried _everything!_ Fashion accessories, making our hair and/or lips bigger...what else in the lab do you think we can _possibly_ whip up?"

Leaning over, they simultaneously turned on the lamps to their nightstands and put their glasses on.

"I've thought of a plan that doesn't _need_ the lab." Susan stood up. "It came to me in my dream: we're going to pose...as lesbians! Gil will see us making out in front of him, he'll get so turned on he'll want to have a threesome with us! And then when we finally get a taste of his sweet, sweet cock," she squealed, "we'll be his sex slaves for the rest of our lives!"

Mary stared at her. Her lips quivered into a smile, giving way to a snicker, before her laughter filled the room. "Love the fantasy, but that has got to be your worst idea yet," Mary adjusted her glasses.

"At least I _have_ an idea, genius," Susan folded her arms.

Mary's laughs faded slowly, becoming more nervous before taking a deep breath and blinking back a few tears of frustration.

"Look," Susan put a hand on her sister's shoulder. "After all these years of trying to win Gil over, I'm just as frustrated and close to giving up as you are. But let's just give this a try, okay? One last plan. If this doesn't work, I don't know what will."

Sighing, Mary nodded. "This...doesn't mean we're really lesbians, right?"

"Of course not. It's just an act until we win Gil over." Leaning in, she continued. "But until we can try it on him tomorrow afternoon, let's _practice_ a little, shall we?"


	2. Chapter 2

Their mother was at work, and their father won a free day-trip. Since the girls were eighteen now, they decided to trust them with the house for the day. In their absence, the twins decided to throw a pool party (with plenty of onions of course), one that all of the kids on the block were invited to.

"You ready yet?" Susan asked impatiently.

Mary was standing next to her, her arms folded and looking at her feet. "I don't know...maybe just another minute."

"That's what you've been saying for the past four minutes! What's the big deal, anyway? It'll be just like we practiced last night."

"Yeah, but doing it for real...in front of everyone..."

"Will just be a means to an end," Susan finished, taking her by the hand. "We'll only need to get near Gil, and hope that every one else is distracted."

Mary felt her face grow hotter and her knees grow weaker as they approached him. "B-But I-"

"Need to follow my lead," Susan interrupted. Before Mary could say anything else, her sister had already forcibly smashed her lips into her. "Oh, well, don't mind _us!_ Just a couple of _virgin lesbians_ who have never experienced a _man_ before!"

Mary began to blush. "Ouch!"

Susan had stepped on her foot, glaring at her and clearing her throat as a reminder she was missing her cue.

Mary quickly searched her brain for her line. "Um, yeah. It's not like we're looking to have a threesome, and, um, become sex slaves for life for any man interested or...anything..."

Johnny had doubled over himself laughing.

"They're kidding, right?" Dukey, in disguise, raised an eyebrow in disbelief.

"So, what? Are your sisters like, gay with each other now?" Bumper asked, confused.

"Sounds more like something they've just pulled from a poorly written porn movie," Sissy glared at them disapprovingly.

"Ohmigod, I can't- ahahaha- oh, wow," Johnny wiped a tear from his eye. "You guys are like, _so_ pathetic right now."

Their scene had garnered some unwanted attention and laughter from around the pool.

Susan looked around, hoping Gil had noticed, but it seemed he was the only one who hadn't. In fact, he was talking to a busty brunette who happened to be standing nearby.

Mary, naturally being the more sensitive of the twins, was fighting back tears in her eyes as her face went bright red. She could barely see where she was going as she made a break for the house.

"Mary, wait!" Susan had followed her. "Where are you going?!"

"Just forget it, Susan! This isn't working!"

"No! It'll work! We were so close!"

"'So close?!' He didn't even _look_ at us!"

"Okay, fine. Looks like we'll need to re-group and make a few adjustments. Let's go up to the lab."

Mary looked behind her at the pool party. She had hoped that teenagers of average intelligence or lower had a shorter memory than they did.


	3. Chapter 3

Sitting in the chair in front of their computer, Mary had one hand holding her head, and the other grabbing tissues to wipe away tears. Susan, meanwhile, was pacing back and forth.

"All right, let's see...where did we go wrong?"

"Acting on a plan that only works in porn?" Mary grumbled.

Susan pinned her shoulders to the chair in a rage. "I swear _to the atoms that make us_ , I _can_ and _**will**_ make this work! If you would've been _patient_ and _**worked with me here**_ , _**WE WOULD HAVE BEEN IN BED WITH GIL BY NOW!"**_ Susan yelled, shaking Mary by the shoulders.

Mary's green eyes watering again, she bit her lip to try and keep it from quivering.

"Oh, goddamnit, Mary," Susan let go of her, "don't you-"

It was too late. Again came the water works, falling down her face.

 **CRASH!**

"SUSAN TEST!" A teenaged Bling-Bling Boy, still as pudgy as ever, burst through the roof. "I HAVE COME ONCE AGAIN TO CLAIM YOUR-" he was interrupted by Mary sobbing louder.

"Now is _not a good time_ , Eugene," Susan glared at him.

"But... _oh come on!_ I'm the one that set up a free vacation for your dad! The least you could do for me is-"

Now Mary's sobs had become overdramatic. Though her previous tears were genuine, she was now trying very hard to make Bling-Bling Boy uncomfortable enough to leave.

Thankfully, it worked. "Eh...you know what, I...think I'll just go downstairs and see if there's any snacks," he said, awkwardly backing away from the scene and out of the lab.

"Thanks." Susan helped her up.

" _(Sniff.)_ Anytime." Mary grabbed a tissue and blew her nose.

"...I think I know what the problem was," Susan started. "Gil was in a crowded area, and thus, there would be a lot of other girls to distract him there. So next time around, let's wait until he's alone, where he'll only have us to focus on."

"Then let's talk to him when he's out the yard tomorrow," Mary concluded.

"Are we going back down to the party?" Susan asked her.

"I think it's better if we wait for this to die out. Things like this can be hard to live down for a while."

"Yeah, good point."


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N**

 **Alright, I know it's been FOREVER since I've updated this, but before I start this chapter, I just want to say..."ho-ly crap!" This is my most viewed story! (So far.) I honestly had no idea a Susan x Mary story would end up being this popular, but I'm pleasantly surprised with the results. **

**What reeled in this many views, I may never know, but thank you so much for at least coming by to visit and try my story!**

* * *

The next day was the perfect summer afternoon: the sun was shining, the birds were chirping...and Gil was standing shirtless in the backyard, watering the plants.

The twins sighed, lovesick. "Gil...Nexdor..."

After a short pause, Susan stood up straighter. "Well, we're not going to get him just by sighing and staring at him. You remember what to do?"

"The exact same thing we did last time, but like we mean it," Mary repeated Susan's words from the plan they had earlier. Looking at her feet, she added, "I get it conceptually, but what if-"

"Enough with the 'what ifs'. You know you want him as much as I do, right?"

Mary's eyes moved from Susan to the perfect tan body, slowly getting soaked in the cool water of the hose. "Yeah..." she sighed dreamily.

"'Fake it till you make it,' they say. And you know what _I_ say? If you know what you want, you'll be sure to make it, no matter what."

Mary looked at Susan, at Gil, then back at Susan again. Smiling and nodding, she pulled her sister closer, being sure to match her extra-loud attention-grabbing moans as they sucked on each others' lips. "Oh, _well_ , don't mind us! Just a couple of _virgin lesbians_ who have never experienced a _man_ before!" Susan repeated her previous line.

"Yeah. It's not like we're looking to have a threesome, and become sex slaves for life for any man interested or anything!"

Gil didn't look their way, or even seem to notice! He only continued to water the plants, whistling casually.

"What the hell?" Susan whispered tensely, letting her go. "Do we have some kind of 'make us invisible to Gil' invention on us or something?"

"I don't think so; why would we ever invent _that?"_ Mary questioned.

"Hey, Johnny!" Gil called to their skateboarding brother who happened to be passing by.

"Sup, Gil?" Johnny's response had been slightly quieted by the wind.

The twins exchanged exasperated glances, knowing exactly what they needed to do now.

* * *

Moments later, Johnny and Dukey were at the kitchen table, making crude, tasteless jokes and throwing back bottles of Red Gush.

"What is it that you do, Johnny?" Susan demanded.

"I do lots of things: video games, skateboarding, testing out your guys' inventions,"

"I _mean,_ what is it that you do to get Gil's attention?"

"Oh, that. I actually don't even try to get his attention. It just happens."

"Impossible!" Susan banged her fists on the table. "There's got to be some sort of secret!"

"No, not really."

"You've got to remember," Dukey began. "Gil isn't exactly the brightest bulb in the room, so perhaps you should tell him exactly what it is you want from him, instead of that whole vague fake lesbian invitation to a threesome act you guys are trying."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait, you guys are _still_ going with that?!" Johnny clutched his stomach laughing.

"It's really sad, heh heh."

"So, wait: what I'm getting from this is that we actually go up to Gil and ask him out?" Mary asked. "We've already tried that I don't know how many times before; none of them ever worked."

"Then maybe you could just consider that he's not into girls," Johnny blurted.

"How would _you_ know that?" Susan glared at him.

"I mean, he's not into _you_ girls. Think about it: eighteen years you've lived here, fifteen years you've went after him, and came up with all these plans he doesn't even remember that I have sisters. He forgets, like, literally, every time."

"If that's the case, then I have an idea that will make him remember us! TO THE LAB!" Without even taking a moment to consider Johnny's words, Susan ran off to the direction of the lab. Sighing, Mary followed her.


	5. Chapter 5

"AHA! After several hours of hard work and computer testing, we've made the Remote Mind Controller!" Susan exclaimed, holding up their new invention. "Now all we'd have to do is wait for Gil to get close, and when we use it on him, he'll only be able to think about us and how hot we are!" She looked over at Mary, who was leaning against the wall, pinching the bridge of her nose. "What's wrong?"

"We've already tried variants of this one before."

"Key word being 'variants'," Susan rebutted. "This one is the one, I know it is!"

Mary clenched her fists. "You always say that!" she complained. "You say that, and then it doesn't happen!"

Before Mary could protest any further, Susan went up to the lab window. "Just gotta get a good shot at...wait, why are his curtains closed? His curtains are _never_ closed!"

Mary sighed, sitting down in the chair. "Kay, I guess we'll just have to wait until he opens them."

Susan glared at her. "'Wait'?! 'WAIT'?!" Grabbing Mary by the shoulders, she shrieked, "WE'VE BEEN 'WAITING' FOR FIFTEEN GODDAMN YEARS!"

"So what's a little longer?"

"It's ALWAYS 'a little longer', but 'a little longer' is NEVER 'A LITTLE LONGER!"

Letting go, Susan stormed towards the door of the lab, the remote-like device in her hand.

"Where are you going?!"

"To Gil's house!"

* * *

The next thing Mary knew, she was standing at Gil's front porch, while Susan impatiently and repeatedly rang the doorbell. When no one came within the next ten seconds, she pounded her fist, knocking furiously on the door. Taking note of the loud techno-pop music on the other side, Susan surmised that they couldn't hear her. It was a long shot, but Susan twisted the doorknob...and to the shock of both of them, it was open.

"...Susan...no. Don't do it," Mary pleaded, looking around.

Susan stared into the empty foyer, her expression blank.

Mary grabbed Susan's arm and tugged on it. "It's...it's not too late to turn around," she whispered anxiously.

Glaring, Susan ripped her arm from Mary's grasp and began to rush up the stairs. "Come on! Gil's room is just to the left!"

"God, Susan, no!" the twin started after her sister. "This is _illegal!"_

"So?!"

" _So_ we've got to get out of here before someone notices and calls the police!"

"This'll only take a minute! What is _your_ issue, anyway?!" Throwing a gesturing hand to the bedroom door, she shouted, "we're _this_ close to finally getting Gil!"

"I know, but this-this is starting to go too far!"

"You seem _awfully_ determined to turn around and get out; I bet you don't even _want_ Gil anymore!"

"What?! No! Of course I do, but-"

"'BUT' _WHAT?!_ "

"But I've grown up," Mary blurted.

"...What's _that_ supposed to mean?"

Mary sighed. "I mean...I want Gil. I do. I really, really do. Like want him so much sometimes it's hard to think about him because he's so hot. But overtime, the possibility that we may never get him has been occurring to me more and more. Johnny's right: arguably, we're around Gil way more often than Johnny is, but Gil doesn't even remember we _exist!_ , Plus, now that we're eighteen, if we get caught doing something illegal, we could be arrested and go to jail! Imprisonment isn't worth it if Gil can't remember to wait for us on the other side. As the years have gone by I've learned when there's no way to fix it or make it better, you have to just...deal with it. And even as bitchy as this is going to sound...I think you need to grow up and realize that, too."

Susan stared at her for a moment, processing her words, and then studied the remote in her hand.

"...So...can we go before we get into a situation we end up regretting?" Mary asked, her voice hopeful.

Her blue eyes now glaring at her, Susan grabbed a screwdriver that was in her pocket, and made some adjustments to their newest gadget.

"What are you doing?" Mary asked.

"Making some alterations so it'll be just _me_ in Gil's mind and not _you._ "

" _What?!_ Why?!"

"Well, at first I _was_ going to be nice enough to share him with you once he falls for me, but if you're going to have _that_ attitude, I think I'll just keep him for myself!" Susan turned on her heel and ran for the bedroom door.

"Hey! No fair!" Racing as fast as she could after her, Mary grabbed Susan around the waist, forcing them both to crash into the floor.

"OOF! Why, you!" Susan gave Mary a swift right hook to her face, knocking her off.

Growling, Mary scrambled to her knees just as Susan had her hand on the bedroom doorknob.

"Let go!" Susan forced her free arm between Mary's, and slammed the door open.

What Susan was prepared to do was zap Gil with the Remote Mind Controller. What Mary was planning next was to pull Susan out before Gil could hear them barging in over the sound of his blasting playlist (and put herself back into the remote when they were back in the lab). What _neither_ of them were prepared for was the sight of a shirtless Gil, on his knees at the foot of his bed...his head between their naked brother's legs.

And all that could be heard over the music now was the girls' horrified screams.


End file.
